Day 5: What I want to do

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I’ve been doing more things that I WANT to do, instead of things that I ‘feel’ like I should be doing.

I’ve seen how this has made me that much more fulfilled. When I know truly what I want to do in a moment, what will make me satisfied/happy, then I’ve more often than not, been doing that, because it’s simply what I see that I’d like to be doing/what will bring me satisfaction, FOR ME.

And I’ve seen how when I don’t do things for myself, and I go against my wants, and I am mainly doing things for others/because of other reasons/beliefs, then I do not feel fulfilled entirely. And yes, it is compromising for myself. I’ve placed myself in a less than ideal/wanted situation when I go against my own wants.

Doings things for myself has been a great and fulfilling step I’ve taken, and am still taking.

An example recently was yesterday. Months ago I had paid money to attend an event. I was attending this event alone. And the event itself was yesterday. So, there were a few hours until the event was going to begin. I had time to spare.

I breathed a lot, I wanted to see where I was at, and what I truly wanted to do. I preferred to head home, eat something, do some things at home.

Many people would find that odd, since I had spent money, and I was not ‘having’ the ‘reward’.

But, in breathing, I realised that it did not phase me. I was well aware how much money I spent. I was well aware of the event itself and what I would potentially miss, but I did weigh up my options, my wants, and in the MOMENT, I wanted to head home, thus I did.

Now it is the day after, and I don’t regret my decision at all. In fact, it empowered me HUGELY. I love these small moments where I take the power back, so to speak, and I do things for me, and I truly feel empowered, grateful, fulfilled, that I am doing and making decisions that benefit myself.

And because I did this, I realised something. Because of the empowerment feeling/taking the power back, and giving the power to myself/upon/within myself, I had some great realisations about myself and my interactions, and awareness that comes back to my stability/confidence as a person.

It had to do with taking in my surroundings, of others, of life, of objects, of environments, to make myself more comfortable with all of these, and be one with them, as they are one with me – equals.

Thus, I’ve learnt a cool new method/tip to assist myself. This is what I saw I could improve/do which will impact my life/self from here and forever more, and it all came about simply from making a decision which I’d never have taken in the past. And a decision that suited my BEST INTERESTS. Amazing what empowerment/fulfillment can do, that is what I’ve realised for myself.

And so, after this realisation, I practiced it, and on the way home on my night time walk, I spoke a lot of self-forgiveness on the matter of my surroundings – being open, and one with them, to increase my comfortability and confidence, so all in all, a very successful decision that I took for myself, with lifetime benefits.

Desteni

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Day 4: SSSSSHHHHHHH!

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Distraction definition: a thing that prevents someone from concentrating on something else.
“the firm found passenger travel a distraction from the main business of moving freight”
synonyms: diversion, interruption, disturbance, intrusion, interference, obstruction, hindrance
“he called these stories a distraction from the real issues”

 

I do still get ‘annoyed’ when I feel something is ‘distracting’ me from what it is that I want to do/am doing; something in which I want to dedicate my full concentration and efforts on, to do it to the best of my ability, without any external influence that might or is, or more specifically, that I ALLOW to influence my concentration on the thing that I am wanting to do/doing in real time.

When I look at so called ‘distractions’ in my life/that I dislike and that ‘annoy’ me, I see that I am definitely choosing to allow them to ‘annoy’ me, and affect me.

I mean, yes they are noises, yes they are sounds. In my experience and what I am writing out here, these distractions are in the forms of sounds/noises. Things that ‘throw me off’.

I see how I can change this ‘getting annoyed/frustrated’ and allowing sound/noise to affect me, into a stronger form of concentration that is in fact unwavering, no matter the sound/noise, no matter the volume level, no matter the ‘type’ of sound.

The type, being human sounds, lol, or, construction work for example, or, music, or wildlife.

I do tend to get easily annoyed at ‘external’ sounds, basically sounds that are not from me and are from EVERYTHING, but me.

Obvious point is I am never alone, and I am living here with all manner of noise. So first thing is to accept, allow and EMBRACE any and all noise. Understand that it WILL and DOES exist. Then, it is how much I allow it to affect me and my concentration and what I am doing. Do I stop what I am doing or alter what I am doing, or, change the activity that I am doing, until the noise has ‘lowered’ or changed? No. I just change my response from being affected by noise, to carrying on with the activity I am doing, absolutely whilst noise exists in the background.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be flexible and changeable based on the noise that exists in my external environment, such as increasing volume of activity that I am doing so that I can hear more easily based on external noises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible when external sounds arise, and instead just desire to react in annoyance, as if I believe any external sounds should just STOP when I am doing something/concentrating on something, as if the world/life revolves around me, which it obviously does NOT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a ‘zone’ exists within/around me that ‘protects’ me from any external noise, which is obviously a myth and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire a world/life that means to be silent all around me, purely so I can ‘enjoy’ my activities more without ‘interference’ from external life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe sounds/concentration revolve around myself and my life, as if my life/priorities/activities are paramount and ‘worth more’ than others activities/priorities/life, which is obviously inequality and failure to accept each as a worthy life/activity.

When and as I see myself desiring to react in annoyance/frustration at any external sound which I believe is ‘pissing me off’ and ‘distracting’ me from what I am trying to do, I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that any external sound is EARTH, is LIFE, is EXISTENCE. I commit myself to ENJOY the external sounds of others, as a form of hearing others activities/lives and the enjoyment they derive from their activities and such, just as I do with my own activities and such.

I commit myself to accept others sounds based on any health related issues, any disease, which is NEVER an existence/sound which one ever WANTS or CHOOSES to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that external sounds/people making external sounds are purely doing so to annoy me and frustrate me, instead of me understanding, seeing and realising that each are doing so for themselves, with themselves, by themselves, for THEM, and NOT for myself, and NOT for others, each do their own thing for them, and that is EARTH.

Desteni

Day 3: Thinking it is all fine

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Desteni tools are NOT used EXCLUSIVELY for assisting with present and VISIBLE problems.

I’ve encountered this often, where someone questions, and basically asks why I choose to use Desteni tools for myself – my self-change, self-improvement.

As if these tools are not needed, and that there are many ‘simpler’ or even just alternative options/methods to use to assist oneself.

I am not denying that there are other alternatives/methods that work fantastically well TOO. In fact, I know there is, because I use multiple methods, myself.

It really is simple – each should choose to use WHATEVER method/tools etc that they have found in THEIR experience, to work for THEM. There are way too many factors involved. What works for one, may not work for the other, so it is simply a trial and error, and it is unnecessary to judge someone in any way for what they choose to use, which I repeat, WORKS FOR THEM!

If it doesn’t work for YOU, that is COOL, just continue using what works for you. That should be the end of the saga, lol.
“Desteni tools are NOT used EXCLUSIVELY for assisting with present and VISIBLE problems.”

VISIBLE problems.

And this for me is a huge contributor to me continuing to WANT to use Desteni tools for myself.

I have UNCOVERED MANY issues I never knew I had in my life with these tools. I ‘never knew’ I had these issues, because I simply was NOT AWARE that these were even ‘issues’. I had lived these issues for so long, these factors controlling me etc, that I thought I was just born with them, and that they WERE me, like, they are just the genes/factors passed down the generations, as well as my own upbringing.

Yes, I knew there were ways to ‘quell’ these problems I Faced, but did not know I could stop living these problems I had.

So now, I bring these issues to the forefront, why, because I know I have something to use that can help me dissect and resolve them, and thus I want to do this, because I want to be clear in myself, in my life. I want to be uncontrolled, undirected, for benefit of myself and others. I know I can have the best impact by doing this, and thus it is a no-brainer for me.

Desteni

Day 2: Imposing guilt onto another

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Recently I have experienced the act of one attempting to impose a reaction of guilt onto me. Trying to make me feel guilty for ‘crimes’ I have done.

And one I have experienced many times too in my life, where the one attempting to impose guilt, or impose something in particular, also says that so and so thinks/says the same, like adding weight and attempting to amplify the guilt/whatever type of desired outcome.

I do not feel guilt. My ‘crimes’ are what each see individually/their attachment to something, either the ‘crime’ itself or the event/scenario attached to the ‘crime’.

I keep saying ‘crime’ – because that in my instance is what one sees/believes I have done, as if I have acted out a crime, something negative, something harmful, something..awful.

I have my reasons for doing things. And those reasons are not going to suit everyone, because of what I said, each sees and has a different/unique association with something. I have my own, you have your own, they have their own.

If one is trying to impose guilt/something upon you, or you are trying to impose guilt/something onto another, then all we must do is look at ourselves and see why someone is trying to impose guilt. Also, why we’re reacting to this – is it past memories, past attachments/associations, past relationships? Is it that we KNOW we could have done something ‘better’ and yet, did not, because we were for example, fearful? And so, if in this fearful instance, then we blame ourselves/judge ourselves for not being strong enough to go through with what we would like to do. And thus, guilt.

Though, it’s about learning from those experiences, and overcoming them. None have our reference point for what we feel, go through – they only have a feel/reference point for what THEY go through, and impose that onto OTHERS. Failing to see the uniqueness of each. There is lack of sympathy, compassion, kindness, and instead, only judgement, imposing, hate, anger, just because they did something, yet you did not.

We’re each unique, individual and different, and imposing guilt and the like is not a helpful or beneficial thing to do in any way, shape or form. NEVER is. That is the bottom line.

But many can’t look past that, many won’t look past their self-interest, their ego, their lack of sympathy. We’re all out to shoot eachother, instead of offering a show of support, a hand or similar.

If someone/something does not go as per the way you intended/wanted it to go, don’t react. Instead, be open, be accepting, find something else to do, do a different activity.

If you see that someone may be struggling, don’t approach with any harm in terms of verbal, physical, text based – be gentle, considerate. Talk. It begins and ends in trust. You can learn something from another. Why would one open up to you or tell you anything when they know you will most likely react and judge them?

Here’s a call for consideration, sympathy, kindness, openness, understanding 🙂

Desteni

Day 1: I’m glad…

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I’m glad that I don’t have to pretend that I am something that I am NOT.

I’m glad that I can see the real life and legitimate issues that exist in not only the country I live in, but the ENTIRE world.

I’m glad that I don’t have to be ‘fake’ to enjoy myself in the world and my life.

I’m glad that I can make decisions that suit me and my interests first and foremost, as opposed to making decisions that suit others first and foremost and leaving myself dangling behind.

I’m glad that I can express more.

These are just SOME things that I am glad for in walking my process so far.

Desteni

Exploring process